Saturday, May 15, 2010

It never change's

I was layen in my bed the other night thinking about everything that has been going on and thinking what have we done to make all this bad stuff happend to us . I mean i know stuff happend's for a reason but there is no way that stuff can go so worng for so so long like for my poor mother been in and out of the hospital for the past 5 months and only been home for like maybe 5 week's out of those month's ...

Then my dad haven more of the spell's were he black's out and he will not go to the doctor and he fell just the other moring and his leg's are covered in sore's from him not taken care of him self and i have to dress and change the cover's on them. I have to help mom with shower's getting dressed and i do all the cleaning ,cooking ,wash and ect. in the house dad dose some but i do almost all the work then if i am in pain i can't stop because if i don't do it nothing will get done.

I have blacked out about 3 times due to so much stress and i have no one to help me .i have to go with mom to her doctor appt's and work my own appt's around her's , when dad dose go i have to help them both .... and no one is here to help me i feel so alone i have no friends to hang out with or to vist i am stuck in this house 24/7/365. I have very little time to myself .. I am breaking down all the time crying ,getting mad and so on but i can't help it i try not to get mad but you have to understand there is only so much one person can take.

I am so depressed ,alone, and i feel so useless in my own life i can't do anything like i use to . Mom and dad tell me all the time that i am such a big help but i don't see it all i see is someone who has no life, i can't drive because of my eyes and i don't know i just don't know..

1 comment:

Rae said...

Hang in there. I have EDS as well and am constantly dealing with similar things. In fact, I was struck at how similar your blog posts are to many in my private blog. I wish I could say something to make it better, I wish even more I could do something to make it better but just staying in there a day at a time is an amazing thing to do.