It never change's

I was layen in my bed the other night thinking about everything that has been going on and thinking what have we done to make all this bad stuff happend to us . I mean i know stuff happend's for a reason but there is no way that stuff can go so worng for so so long like for my poor mother been in and out of the hospital for the past 5 months and only been home for like maybe 5 week's out of those month's ...

Then my dad haven more of the spell's were he black's out and he will not go to the doctor and he fell just the other moring and his leg's are covered in sore's from him not taken care of him self and i have to dress and change the cover's on them. I have to help mom with shower's getting dressed and i do all the cleaning ,cooking ,wash and ect. in the house dad dose some but i do almost all the work then if i am in pain i can't stop because if i don't do it nothing will get done.

I have blacked out about 3 times due to so much stress and i have no one to help me .i have to go with mom to her doctor appt's and work my own appt's around her's , when dad dose go i have to help them both .... and no one is here to help me i feel so alone i have no friends to hang out with or to vist i am stuck in this house 24/7/365. I have very little time to myself .. I am breaking down all the time crying ,getting mad and so on but i can't help it i try not to get mad but you have to understand there is only so much one person can take.


I am so depressed ,alone, and i feel so useless in my own life i can't do anything like i use to . Mom and dad tell me all the time that i am such a big help but i don't see it all i see is someone who has no life, i can't drive because of my eyes and i don't know i just don't know..

Feeling so alone

what do you do when you find yourself feeling so alone with no one to talk to . I find that i am haven such a hard time dealing with everything i am getting so sick of beening in pain everyday of my life and i am sick of family members asking me how i am feeling when you know what i am going to say.

Because if i say and i am not feeling well they get upset and then it makes me more made because if them know what i am going to say then why ask me . i know that i am not alone because i have my friends on facebook but still i am alone in my world . i have no friends where i live . and no one to talk to i have lost all my friends or so called friends from school .

never there......

They say friendship's last a life time well in my case that is never true. When friends say that they will always be there for each other you think ( Great i have someone that i can talk to when i need support and they will have someone that they can turn to as well) But then more people come in to your life's and then you are just pushed to the side and then when something happend's you have no one to talk to but then when they need someone they call you and they want you to listen to them .

But friendship is a two way street not a one way and if your not going to be there for your friends then what type of friend dose that make you . i know i have many friends on facebook and please don't get me wrong i love you all !!! but there are a few that know more things about my past and more about my life and i have known these people for like 5-6 years.


But when your life is turned upside down and then you find yourself all alone it hurt's.

You can't trust family and more !

For those of you who know me know that i have 5 step slibbing's and all HELL has broken out here . Last month i saw that one if them was posting very hurtful things on her facebook page like ( I am so sick of hearing someone talking about how hard their life is and she is not doing anything to make it better.) and ( Well if this persson would get off their butt and try to find a job that may help) . Well i though she was talken about one of her sisters but when i sent her a email and she never wrote me back i knew it was about me. Later that night my dad called her and asked what was going on and she told dad to tell me to stop posting thing's about how i am doing and feeling that she was sick of reading stuff that i post,

Well i was in the room with dad when he called her and he told her not to read my posting's if she didnot like reading what i posted. So a few hours past then i get a text sayen ( you always have to go running to dad don't you ! well i am blocken you from my page.) i texted her back and said fine i never want to talk to you again.


So that brings me today mom dad and i were sitting in the livingroom talken an dad sliped and said some thing well my bitch of a sister told him that i was ( maken all of the stuff that is wrong with me up , that i am a druge seeker and that not telling the truth ect.)_ So i hope to hell she is happy because i will never talk to her again !!! I HOPE YOUR HAPPY BITCH!!!

It's time to welcome a new year.

Well thank god that 2009 is almost done!!!! This has been a very hard year for many people in my family and our friend's . Mom and i have been haven alot of health problem's and i need more surgery back in july and thank's to this world's health care system i almost lost my life . But i am still the care taker for both my mom and dad and i have to also have to take care of myself.

But something's have gone well i have gotten a pain mangment doctor to help me with this chronic pain from the EDS, FIBRO, CFS . he changed my pain pill's and changed my other pain med's and it seem's to be helping and i hope i can keep it under wrap's . I also have manged to get my headache under wrap's but some thing is telling me i will need to call my doctor because i have been getting small headache's.


But all and all i hope 2010 is a better year.

Good hope's for 2010

Well with just a few day's felt in the year i hope next year will be better for us all. With mom's health and my health i hope this will be better for us and with dad i hope he will get better too. Thank's to my once stupied sister and her big mouth i will not be talken to her any more because what she did is unforgiveable. and dad is not speaken to her but i mean he has five other kid's and not one of the give's a dame about if they mess up christmas like they always do.

we all slepten in on christmas day and that was nice and we all got up and watched some tv then we all ended up fallen asleep. so we had our family dinner so that is about it for christmas.

no christmas sprite

Some people can be nice all year round and then there are the people who love to hurt you!! i have a face book account and stuff that i use to talk to my eds friends and to keep up with family well someone in my family was posten very hurt full thing's and i foumd out they were about me .

they said ( i am so sick of hearn about how hard you life is, you don't do anything at all to make it better.) and this came from someone that i really loved so we found out who had said it and then i got an text message that said i am removen you and i nevre want to hear from you agian.

so i have one thing to said to that person and that is SCREW YOU !!!!!